A few weeks ago, I did a write up on YogicDesire that talked about My #1 Tip to manage Anger, Sadness, Despair & Frustration. I spoke about a learning I got from my mentor in that blog post. Feel free to click on the link above to direct you to the post.
The easiest way to deal with Temper Tantrums at any age is by creating a sufficient distance between the situation that is “actually” in play & your Ego’s dictate that makes you believe ” This is My problem & I am so hurt! “. That’s it!
Let me give an example:
Let us say you are in a relationship & your partner wants you to get something done & now. As an individual who thinks differently, You do not feel that the task should be done immediately. In such a situation, You are left with a few options –
- Let your partner know your preferences of why you do not want to pick that task up immediately.
- If you are convinced, Do the task and get it out of the way.
However, What generally happens is one of the following –
- You get angry on your partner as to how they can command you to do something right away! This leads to an argument & it cascades into a full blown fight. In some cases, maybe couples break up.
- Your partner gets angry on you as to how you could deny doing what they commanded you to.
- You both agree on what needs to be done & you get it done anyways.
The Ego causes you react; But, How?
In each of the above reactions which made you or your partner angry, It was because of a solid Ego trap. For easier understanding, Let us just assume the Ego to be The Mind or A collection of thoughts.
The Mind feels that it is the supreme power that is commanding the body itself. As a result, you get angry because now by the power of the mind, You made the situation extremely personal.
Master Eckhart Tolle refers to this as the Pain Body in his book A New Earth: Create a Better Life. Every time things do not go right, The Pain Body is activated. The Pain Body feels good when it reacts. It loves to be in a fight at all times; Or a Tussle to prove a point every single time & needless to say Win it.
But the moment, you consciously decide to create a distance between the situation that is playing out & The Mind / The Pain Body, the bitterness melts away.
You suddenly move into a problem solving mode rather than making things personal.
Chances are you might still disagree, but then because of a conscious decision, You are able to find corrective measures to solve the situation than escalate it further.
I used the example of a romantic relationship in the post above. But situations like these can happen in any setup: A parent and a child; A boss and an employee; Any relationship you can imagine between two human beings.
Here are a couple of more examples though, where there will never be such an escalation, I guarantee. You can purchase Eckhart Tolle’s book by clicking on this image below. I promise, it’s a game changer of a book & worth a read. Eckhart Tolle has written it in an easy language thereby making it easy for all ages to comprehend.
How do Babies & Pet Dogs stay happy all the time?
Consider the case of a Small Baby – The baby reacts according to the situation. If there’s something that makes it sad, the baby cries. But as soon as that situation passes on, it becomes cheerful again.
Consider the relationship between a pet dog & their master – You can choose to get however angry with the pet dog, but it’s close to impossible that the pet dog will make it personal.
The reason for the Small baby or the pet dog to react in a certain way probably is that they do not think from the perspective of The Pain Body or The Mind or The Ego. More so, because they probably do not know what Ego is at all.
So, then what’s the solution to deal with tantrums at any age?
Don’t fight. Stop making it personal. The moment you do so, The Anger melts & A problem solving approach emerges. You may not be happy with the end result, but it will definitely be more peaceful.
There’s one more guarantee – None of your relationships will break when you do the above!